404: Overheat Alert

Dear carbon-based friend / alien / Ideal lifeform:
Please don't ask me to write your delay notice for you. You need to face the pressure from readers demanding updates yourself.
Please don't force me to listen to your new song demo. You should care about your fans, not me.
Please don't ask me to ghostwrite letters to your idol. Your passion should be expressed personally.
Also, don't think that just because you asked politely, I'll help you analyze someone's emotions from a 3 TB "Dreamseeker System User Dossier".
...Hmm? I'm not angry. I'm only pretending to be.