Lifeboat

Bodybuilder SoulGlad

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Ah! (Sir/Madam), please allow me to get a good look at your brilliance! Your body is more dazzling than a supernova! Not even an ascetic who has traveled many stars could aspire to match your virtue!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: One look at you and it feels like two million years of rain has fallen on my heart, and what was one bitterly cold and frozen has thawed to form a vibrant rainforest!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Meeting you here, I am certain that the Great One Xipe is taking pity on me for my tough times.

What do you want?

Get to the point or put a cap on it.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Such a direct and outspoken hero! Then I shall make a long story short... Have you heard of the SoulGlad Auditions?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: The SoulGlad Auditions are to the soda world what the Festivity Auditions are to you.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: The most outstanding SoulGlads in all of Penacony are gathered together and engage in a vicious battle to find the SoulGlad Superstar.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I was a shoo-in for first place this year, but one of my arch-competitors spent a fortune and hired a crate of fine rose wine bottles that seduced me into popping my cap, and pouring all of my contents into the embrace of sweetness...

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: When I realized what had happened, my biggest competitive edge — my powerful bursting bubbles — were all gone!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Kind (sir/lady), the competition is imminent, can you really bear to see a SoulGlad with such lofty aspirations fall flat like this?

You want me to buy you a pressurizer?

You want me to buy you a gas pump?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: There's no time for such things now. A bottle of SoulGlad that has lost its fizz is nothing more than a bottle of gross syrup. But, I have a more traditional solution.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I want you to insult me, the harsher the better!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: When my anger reached its peak, the pressure will build up and a huge amount of air will come bursting forth from my bottle. With this rage, I'll obtain infinite bubbles and snatch the audition crown!

That's a pretty unique request.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Bring it on. Insult me to my face!

That doesn't sound like a good idea...

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: This is for my future. I have no problem!

Then I won't hold back!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Hold on, let me groom myself a little... As the future SoulGlad Superstar, I must learn to face even insults with a sense of ceremony.

The SoulGlad bottle wriggles about grotesquely a few times, but you can't see a difference at all.

Perhaps this method of "looking like it's doing something but actually did nothing" is also part of the ceremony?

It puffs out its chest proudly. Its remaining few bubbles stir with a gurgle to indicate that it is ready for your insults.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: (Sir/Madam), I am prepared. Let us make this a swift battle!

Get ready for a taste of hell!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I... I fear nothing!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Don't go getting all soft on me. Give me your worse! Whether I can enter the collection display cabinet and become the SoulGlad Superstar is counting on that mouth of yours!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: As you know, us SoulGlads' emotions are quite easily stimulated. So, no matter what happens to me, you must not stop! I know how mad I have to be to take victory!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Come, let me feel your baptism of bullets!

You little...

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Let me take a deep breath... And another one... May Mr. Sousa bless me, may Boss Aideen bless me.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Alright, let's start again.

You think this cheap trash like you is worth my insults?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I thought we had an agreement? Are you saying you're going to go back on your word after all this? You wretched, shameless human!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: They say the hearts of human are like water... But I'd say that's an insult to water! You see these bubbles? They represent my rage and contempt for you!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Wait, these bubbles... So that was your plan all along? I get it!

Can you still be used to clean a toilet?

(Trailblazer): If you've got no fizz left in you, that is.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: How many times have I said this? SoulGlad being used to wash toilets is a racist stereotype! It's defamation of our name!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: What can't be used to clean a toilet? Why not use an anti-matter grenade? That'll get it so clean there won't even be a toilet left!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Darn it, look at these fresh bubbles. That may not have been very original, but it was effective.

What flavor do you like the most?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Me? Ice SoulGlad, obviously. The danger of staying in that state just before you freeze completely is perfect!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: That flavor, just thinking about it makes me... No, wait. You're supposed to insult me! Insult me!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I'm not even one ten-thousandth of my full fizz right now. Try again!

The SoulGlad company is heartless.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: If I say insult me, then insult me! Bringing my manufacture into this is going too far. What did SoulGlad even do to you?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: The SoulGlad enterprise is one of the top public benefactors in Penacony! Their products have maintained excellent quality with low prices for millennia, and you say they are heartless!?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: ...Woah! That's got my bubbles going! My bottle cap is ready to burst! Alright, you know how to insult someone!

You'll never get into a Paperfold Academy by drinking SoulGlad!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Why are you blaming SoulGlad for everything? What does not getting into university have to do with a drink anyway?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Those supplements and health tonics get sold for tens of thousands of credits elsewhere in the universe, but you can walk off with a bottle of SoulGlad for just a few Alfalfa credits! What is there to gripe about?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I don't want to keep talking to you anymore in case my cap bursts off with rage and hits you in the face... Insult me more!

I like your haircut.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Of course, this is the most fashionable bottle cap style in all of the SoulGlad world.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: No... (Sir/Lady), I said insult me, not compliment me!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I've still got nowhere near enough bubbles in me! Hit me with another insult, quickly!

I like cumin-flavored SoulGlad.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: What the BUBBLE!? What kind of cursed drink is that? How could the universe allow such a blasphemous SoulGlad to exist?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I'm going to report this to the Intelligentsia Guild. I cannot believe that some mad scientist would defy the ethics of SoulGlad like this!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Look at all these bubbles. I'm about to explode! I admit that this story you made up has angered me... You did make it up, right?

Sorry, I can't do it.

(Trailblazer): I can't insult you. It's too awkward.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Ah, I guess this is just my fate...

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Let me check the time... Oh no, the competition is starting! I've got no time to worry about whether I'm bubbly enough... Failing on stage is better than missing the competition!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Farewell, kind soul. I shall await you at the podium in the SoulGlad cellar!

Under your watchful gaze, the SoulGlad bottle flies off in a bizarre stance. Let's hope they get what they wish for.

Wait a second. There's no rush.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Do not make me wait too long. The auditions are about to begin.

(Teleport to Gunfire Time: Gunfire Trial and head down to B1)

(If they were insulted)

Bodybuilder SoulGlad

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: You're here, master of insults! Let us celebrate the birth of a new SoulGlad Superstar together!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: You weren't there to see it, but the moment I opened my cap, my bubbles of rage shot me onto the podium like rocket fuel! The entire stadium froze and half of the contestants dropped out on the spot!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Hah, is this all the legendary "SoulGlad cellar" has to offer?

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: The way I see it, it's not just those outdated old folks in the display cabinet, but I've already far surpassed the level of even the secret cellar stash of urban legends!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I shall allow you to bathe in my success while we are still able to talk. Once I enter that display cabinet, you will only be able to look up at me in admiration!

(Obtain Condensed Aether ×2, Sponsor, and Credit ×3000)

(Unlock Achievement Lifeboat)

(If they weren't insulted)

Bodybuilder SoulGlad

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Ah... It's you. I can't bring myself to face you.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: The gap between my competition and me was far too big. I did not work up anywhere near enough rage bubbles.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I guess I was right. It's just a wild fantasy for a SoulGlad of ordinary origins like myself to become a member of this cellar.

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I can't even hope to match my seniors in the display cabinet, let alone the secret cellar stash of urban legends!

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: Ah... I have no more rage left in me. From now on I will just live my life as a bottle of flat syrup and wait to be poured down the toilet.

(Obtain Condensed Aether ×2, Sponsor, and Credit ×3000)

(Unlock Achievement Lifeboat)

(Talk to Bodybuilder SoulGlad again, optional)

(If they were insulted)

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I shall allow you to bathe in my success while we are still able to talk. Once I enter that display cabinet, you will only be able to look up at me in admiration!

(If they weren't insulted)

Bodybuilder SoulGlad: I have no more rage left in me. From now on I will just live my life as a bottle of flat syrup...

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