Otherworldly Hero of the Toilet Kingdom

Otherworldly Hero of the Toilet Kingdom is an Adventure Mission on Planarcadia. It is part of the Arcadia Panorama chapter.

Steps

Check out the Golden Confessional
"Convince" the Toilet of Secrets
"Convince" the Toilet of Stratagems
"Convince" the Toilet of Zealots
Report your results to the Toilet Emperor
"Convince" the eldest son of the imperium

Dialogue

Check out the Golden Confessional

Mission Description

Remember that huge golden toilet at the "World's End" Tavern? They say it's the portal to another world... Now that's just begging for some Trailblazing.

"World's End" Tavern

(Approach marked location): Golden Toilet

(After interaction): You draw near the throne that is radiating an aura of supreme power. It's unquestionably made of solid gold.; Every one of its atoms was born from colliding neutron stars and exploding supernovas... Yet the Masked Fools have forged these precious tears of the stars into a receptacle for humanity's woes. Perhaps, in their eyes, this is their way of telling the universe a joke.; A question pops into your head: They say that emperors favor golden plows, so just how comfortable would it be to sit on such a colossal golden toilet?; Maybe I should try sitting on it...; Let's try sitting on it!; You climb atop the golden throne, savoring the thrill of looking down upon the world. People, toilets... everything seems so small from up here. It's like you've become a god.; Alright, that was fun. Time to get off... or is it?; No, not yet! A profound sense of duty keeps you from leaving. If you were to rise from this toilet, who would be left to contain the surging, evil power within?; Wait, that's not it. There's a very real pulling force coming from behind you, originating from the toilet's swirling vortex.; (Trailblazer): Uh-oh...; After a moment of dizzying vertigo...

Golden Toilet: Open your eyes, (Trailblazer). I am the Toilet Emperor.

Golden Toilet: So, you have heeded my summons, human.

Where the heck have you taken me? This isn't the tavern, is it?

Did that toilet just talk?

This plot feels... familiar.

Golden Toilet: You now stand in a world where toilets reign supreme. As a human, your sole purpose is to sit upon them. That is why I have summoned you.

Golden Toilet: I have four children. Each is a pillar of the imperium and a sturdy shield for toilets alike. I call them the "Grand Commodes," for they are paragons among all toilets.

Golden Toilet: Each has their own duty, guarding a corner of the imperium and protecting their fellow toilets from vile evils. As long as my family is in harmony, the imperium shall know eternal peace.

Golden Toilet: But I do not understand the ways of the heart, and so, my four children have grown distant. Now, I fear there are signs of rebellion brewing...

Golden Toilet: Your mission is to bring my warmth to these four children. Let them know that I still love them.

Why not do it yourself?

Golden Toilet: I am suppressing a great evil beneath my seat. For the continued existence of the Toilet Imperium, I cannot move even an inch.

Is there no other option?

Golden Toilet: I have a plan to save the Toilet Imperium for good. To see it through, the Toilet of Webways is essential, which is the pure white toilet that's always on the run.

Golden Toilet: Should you manage to capture it, I shall send you back unconditionally. After all, by then, my sons and I will have served our purpose.

So, you want me to sit on them. Got it.

Golden Toilet: Correct. By sitting upon them, you shall warm their hearts and make them blush... Ahem, I mean, unite them in harmony.

Golden Toilet: Whether the imperium falls into disunity rests entirely on your actions. Once the crisis is resolved, I shall send you back whence you came.

Golden Toilet: First, you must visit my three younger sons: the Toilet of Secrets, the Toilet of Stratagems, and the Toilet of Zealots. They are vital to the imperium until my grand plan is complete.

(Trailblazer): (A planet ruled by toilets... Well, this is the Fools' domain, so I guess anything is possible. I should probably just play along for now.)

"Convince" the Toilet of Secrets

Mission Description

To leave Toiletland, you must first bring warmth to the Toilet Emperor's sons...
The Toilet of Secrets is the most sinister son with many little secrets.

The Toiletland

(Approach marked location and interact with Barrel of Secrets): As you get closer, the row of toilets suddenly flushes in unison. The sound is like the roar of a high-powered engine, or perhaps the thundering neighs of powerful steeds.; Barrel of Secrets: Still not talking? What a tough human.; Orch on Trial: First of all, I'm an orch, not a human. And second of all, you didn't even ask!; Barrel of Secrets: Oops, my bad. I was just fiddling with my latest "Wonder Gadget of Secrets" and almost forgot what I was doing.; Barrel of Secrets: Now talk! What is your mission in the Toilet Imperium!?; You're the Golden Toilet's son?; Barrel of Secrets: Do not answer my question with another question! Wait, another human? Knights of the Toilet Seat, seize (him/her)!

The next thing you know, you're tied to the very center of the toilet row. The whole thing happened too fast for the eye to see, leaving you no chance to even resist.

Barrel of Secrets: Hehe... Allow me to entertain you myself. You should feel honored. Now, confess for the sins you have committed against all toilets.

Orch on Trial: Now you see what I've been dealing with.

Barrel of Secrets: Feel that wind whistling in your ears? Confess! And then cry your little heart out and tell me all your secrets!

Orch on Trial: Arrrggghhh!

Barrel of Secrets: To withstand such terrifying G-forces without even flinching... Tell me, that old geezer emperor didn't send you, did he?

I was trying to tell you...

You should know why I'm here.

Barrel of Secrets: (Where did the old man find such a fearsome human? If my little secret gets discovered, it's all over for me.)

Barrel of Secrets: (And for some reason, I'm actually growing... attached to this warmth? No, this can't be happening.)

Barrel of Secrets: Ahem... My loyalty to the imperium is absolute. Please tell His Majesty not to worry.

Barrel of Secrets: As for you, you've proven that you are a human of pure heart. Whatever sins you have committed against toilets, they are hereby pardoned.

(Trailblazer): (Why am I able to hear a toilet's inner thoughts? Oh well, at least the mission's complete...)

"Convince" the Toilet of Stratagems

Mission Description

To leave Toiletland, you must first bring warmth to the Toilet Emperor's sons...
The Toilet of Stratagems is the most brilliant son who's great at planning and organizing.

The Toiletland

(Approach marked location and interact with Barrel of Trading)

Fellow Humans: Praise be to the Toilet of Stratagems, our shepherd!

Barrel of Trading: That's right. I'm the greatest operator in the imperium. Learn my system, and you'll have it made.

You're the Golden Toilet's son?

Barrel of Trading: Well, look what we have here. A human, and a new face...

Barrel of Trading: Do not underestimate my information network. You're the human from another world, am I right?

Barrel of Trading: Every young toilet grows up reading bathroom stories like this: A brave human, bathed in golden light, will emerge from the pipes to bring unprecedented change to the world of toilets...

Barrel of Trading: But now, I'm the one who's going to change this imperium. Under my operation, every toilet will have countless air fresheners and an endless supply of toilet paper. It's all about standardized production, kid.

Barrel of Trading: Look at these orderly stalls! One day, I'll expand them to 500. Then it shall be known as the Second Toilet Imperium!

Barrel of Trading: So come and work for me, human. Whatever the Emperor offered you, I'll double it!

And if I say no?

Barrel of Trading: Well, that's a shame. I really was hoping we wouldn't have to do this...

And what's the price?

Barrel of Trading: Oh, the price... Yes, of course. A perfect imperium is always built on sacrifices.

Barrel of Trading: You see, this is what happens to humans who refuse to enjoy the good life and try to disrupt the system. They spend the rest of their days in a prison cell.

Barrel of Trading: If you won't work for me, I'll have to beat you up myself and toss you in jail!

Aide's Barrel: Sir... the last time you challenged someone to a one-on-one fight, you nearly had your lid knocked clean off, remember?

Barrel of Trading: It's fine. My greatest assets are my thick skin and my open mind. If I don't step up to face this foe, who will?

Very well, I accept your offer.

Barrel of Trading: You... What? You're actually willing to work for me? I never thought it'd be this easy!

Barrel of Trading: Ahem... Well then, your first task is to declare your submission to all the great toilets... by sitting on me.

I have to finish the Emperor's mission!

Barrel of Trading: Hmph, enough talk. Bring it on!

Barrel of Trading: ...

Barrel of Trading: Whoaaa! Wh—What is this warmth?

Barrel of Trading: It... reminds me of my late mother, and the wonderful family we once had...

Barrel of Trading: Take all my toilet paper and all my toilet seats! I'd give up my fortune and abandon my dreams, if only I could savor this for just a moment longer...

Before it could finish its sentimental speech, you get up and walk away in disgust.

"Convince" the Toilet of Zealots

Mission Description

To leave Toiletland, you must first bring warmth to the Toilet Emperor's sons...
The Toilet of Zealots is the most fervent son who's always blindly searching for someone to worship.

The Toiletland

(Approach marked location and interact with Barrel of Worship): Barrel of Worship: Have you ever observed the Golden Toilet up close? It's saved more lives than you could possibly imagine!; Are you... the son of the Golden Toilet?; Barrel of Worship: That's right! I may not be a toilet myself, but I love toilets more than any toilet ever could!; Barrel of Worship: Back in the day, I was just a plain old trashcan on the side of the road... Now, I am a son to the Holy Emperor, and his most devoted follower.; Barrel of Worship: The Holy Emperor's brilliance is divine, yet he never acknowledges his own sanctity. Instead, he allows the disrespectful to slander and sully him. I will not allow this to continue!; Barrel of Worship: I spent three entire rolls of toilet paper writing the Sacred Admonishments for the Holy Emperor, and he flushed every last one of them down the sewer. Surely, it was a sign of his approval!; Barrel of Worship: Now, allow me to recite the first chapter of the Sacred Admonishments: Me and the Art of Toilet Maintenance...; Stop right there!; How am I supposed to sit on a trashcan...?; You seem quite loyal.; Barrel of Worship: I have always been the Holy Emperor's most faithful follower, without a single traitorous thought. Upon seeing you, I knew at once that the Holy Emperor meant to grace me with his warmth... Ah, he truly is a benevolent god. I knew I was right all along~; (Trailblazer): (This guy... no, this one is a lost cause. Time for the next one.)

Report your results to the Toilet Emperor

Mission Description

To leave Toiletland, you must first bring warmth to the Toilet Emperor's sons...
You've done it. All toilets have been "convinced."

The Toiletland

(Approach marked location and interact with Toilet Emperor): Golden Toilet: Oh, you've accomplished it so quickly! Perhaps you are better suited to rule the Grand Commodes than I am.; Golden Toilet: But among the Grand Commodes, the most important of all is my firstborn, my favorite child — Toilet of Dominion. He is currently on an expedition to the frontiers behind me.; Golden Toilet: Be careful. The four wicked toilets there are masters of manipulation. One wrong move, and you'll fall into their trap. I fear my eldest son may have already...; Golden Toilet: If he has truly been bewitched, I will leave his fate in your hands.

"Convince" the eldest son of the imperium

Mission Description

To leave Toiletland, you must first bring warmth to the Toilet Emperor's sons...
The Toilet of Dominion garrisons the imperium's frontiers, where four extremely nefarious toilets are said to reside.

The Toiletland

(Approach marked location and interact with Bucket of Commander)

Bucket of Commander: The signal will be a shattered cup... No, a call to arms is more direct.

I have brought you your father's love.

Bucket of Commander: Hehe, love... How dare that tyrant speak of love? He treats us like tools... just like a human who only sits on a toilet when they need to use it!

Bucket of Commander: See those four toilets in the stalls? Each one is talented, brilliant, and knows just what to say. They love me more than my own father ever did!

Bucket of Commander: I feel the warmth of a family with them every day. Can that heartless monster give me that kind of warmth!?

Bucket of Commander: Besides, I see the truth now. The welfare of all toilets is built upon the exploitation of humans. This entire imperium is a complete lie. Only a glorious rebellion can wash away all this filth.

Bucket of Commander: If I cannot save this nation from the hands of a tyrant, then let the bathrooms burn!

Let's start a glorious rebellion against your father!

Bucket of Commander: Good. I'll storm the palace and take his wretched throne!

Rebellion is never the answer!

Words are useless now. There's only one way to bring a prodigal son home...

I'll go take care of those four toilets first!

(Nearby interactions): Barrel of Wisdom: It's all part of the plan, it's all part of the plan... It's all part of the plan!

Barrel of Love: Hehe... Green is the color of health. A green toilet is a happy toilet. So, let's paint this thing green!

Barrel of Charm: (Young man/Young lady), what is it your heart desires? An endless supply of toilet paper? A beautiful toilet seat? I can grant your every wish, if you'll just sign a contract with me and become a magical girl...

Barrel of Courage: Humans provide all things to nourish toilets, yet toilets give nothing in return. What is to be done? There is only... war!

(If "Let's start a glorious rebellion against your father!" is selected): Golden Toilet: Well, well. So you won't be swayed? And now you're marching on me with a whole army of toilets?; Bucket of Commander: Your lies end here, tyrant! Today, all noble toilets will see you for what you are, and the humans will be liberated!; Golden Toilet: How brave. But you do not understand. There is a great evil suppressed beneath me. If I am toppled, the entire Toilet Imperium will be destroyed...; Bucket of Commander: In the name of humans and toilets... Die, tyrant!; A mighty crash resounds as the plumbing behind the Golden Toilet is blown apart. What lay within erupts in a torrent, submerging the whole imperium...; It is a tragedy beyond description, a horror that no one dares to detail. To put it simply, when the Golden Toilet is deposed, the entire Toilet Imperium is flushed away with it.

(If "Rebellion is never the answer!" is selected): Bucket of Commander: This warmth... it feels so real... Father, your love was always there for me! I finally understand the sacrifices you made!; Bucket of Commander: I was once a fool who dreamed of rebellion. But now, my only wish is to honor you, Father!; Golden Toilet: Don't worry, son. From now on, we'll never be apart!; Barrel of Courage & Love & Wisdom & Charm: Sincere congratulations.; Golden Toilet: Hold up, why are these four here?; Bucket of Commander: Oh, they said they prepared a gift for you, Your Majesty. Please look...; A mighty crash resounds as the plumbing behind the Golden Toilet is blown apart. What lay within erupts in a torrent, submerging the whole imperium...; This unspeakable catastrophe defied all comprehension, and no one dared to describe it in detail. Long story short, the Toilet Imperium was destroyed.

...; ??: ...███, ████?; Zhongshan: ...(Trailblazer), are you awake?; I'm... back?; I'm feeling good.; What a wild and crazy plot...; Zhongshan: I heard you fell into the "Golden Confessional," so I gathered a few people to stake out near that throne. Sure enough, you came bursting out not long after.; Zhongshan: From the symptoms, you must've overdosed on bad jokes, or got tangled up in some abandoned script. It took three large glasses of high-quality comedy on ice to bring you back to your senses.; Zhongshan: Anyway, be more careful next time. With so many jokes floating around the tavern, who knows which one might turn out to be true?
(Unlock Achievement Not a Rabbit Hole)
(Mission complete)

Trivia

This mission's story is a reference to the Warhammer 40,000 franchise.
- The Golden Toilet represents the God Emperor of Mankind.
- The Barrel of Secrets represents Lion El'Johnson, Primarch of the Dark Angels legion.
- The Barrel of Trading represents Roboute Guilliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines legion.
- The Barrel of Worship represents Lorgar Aurelian, Primarch of the Word Bearers legion.
- The Bucket of Commander represents Horus Lupercal, Primarch of the Sons of Horus legion.
- The Barrel of Wisdom represents Tzeentch, Chaos God of Change.
- The Barrel of Love represents Nurgle, Chaos God of Death and Disease.
- The Barrel of Charm represents Slaanesh, Chaos God of Pleasure.
- The Barrel of Courage represents Khorne, Chaos God of War.
Barrel of Worship's line, "Have you ever observed the Golden Toilet up close? It's saved more lives than you could possibly imagine!" is a reference to the quotes "You ever see a Zaku up close?" and "and they've saved more lives than you can imagine." from Episode 1 of the 2024 anime Gundam: Requiem for Vengeance.
Barrel of Charm's line, "I can grant your every wish, if you'll just sign a contract with me and become a magical girl" is a reference to the character Kyubey from the 2011 anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Other Languages

Language	Official Name
English	Otherworldly Hero of the Toilet Kingdom
Chinese (Simplified)	马桶国的异界勇者
Chinese (Traditional)	馬桶國的異界勇者
Japanese	トイレの国の異世界勇者
Korean	변기 왕국의 이세계 용사
Spanish	(Héroe/Heroína) del Imperio de los Inodoros
French	Héros venu du royaume des toilettes
Russian	Потусторонний герой туалетного царства
Thai	ผู้กล้าต่างมิติแห่งแดนสุขา
Vietnamese	Dũng Sĩ Dị Giới Của Vương Quốc Bồn Cầu
German	Außerweltlicher Held des Königreichs der Toiletten
Indonesian	Pahlawan Dunia Lain dari Negeri Toilet
Portuguese	(Herói/Heroína) de Outro Mundo do Reino das Privadas

Change History

Released in Version 4.0

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