Planetary Bumper Cars

Child, it's time to reveal the truth of the universe for you: That giant fireball in the sky isn't a star, but a light bulb. All the light and heat in this segmentum comes from this blessing from the Aeon of Elation.
Right now, we're sitting in the spot closest to it. But the number of suitable orbits is limited, and other planets have their eyes on our location. That's why we gotta steer our home and ram them out of the way. This is a battle for our world's survival, where winners get a long, warm summer, while losers freeze through an endless winter.
The next collision is about to kick off. Don't worry, with me at the helm, we'll stay right where we belong, in the perfect spot.