My Confession

My Confession is a readable found on Planarcadia.

Location

Text

To my friends, my foes, to all who know my identity as a Masked Fool, I offer my confession.
As a fellow Pathstrider on the Path of Elation, I am an incorrigible embarrassment to the cause. The countless, exquisite, pulchritudinous schemes so painstakingly and assiduously designed by my predecessors have, under my watch, devolved into mere acts of paltry charity.
(Ugh, so many fancy words... I'm just not funny! I hate my high level of education!)

To those I have failed to deceive, fool, trick, or harm, I offer my confession.
I was just trying to pull a prank. How did it turn into a good deed!? That was not what I intended. Titanic tides of gratitude and praise overwhelm me with the burdensome guilt of being undeserving, and the mortifying shame of being more trouble than I'm worth.
(Alas, I couldn't help but use more antiquated prose. I hate it! Why is my literary skill so profound?)

O, Laughter, Master of Elation, Aha, I confess to YOU.
I've forgotten the beginning and the end, but the point is, I confess. Nothing I do is remotely funny. It's utterly pathetic!

I just don't get it. Why is destiny so cruel to me, specifically? Everything I hope for turns into its exact opposite...

I once posed as a councilor and demanded that the booze-loving Duchy of Pemberton ban the production of alcohol. They ended up creating the galaxy-famous Pemberton Cola with sugar and soda... and it sold far better than their booze ever did!

I once changed the formula for a glue company, making them produce the least sticky adhesive in the world... They used it to create "sticky notes" that can be applied and removed over and over... and I have to admit, they're incredibly useful!

So now I'm some kind of saint, a great promoter of scientific advancement.

Alas! How may my sins be recounted, for they are beyond reckoning! Verily, they are far from redemption!
(Wait... Am I actually a Classic Literature Fool!?)

Other Languages

Language	Official Name
English	My Confession
Chinese (Simplified)	我的忏悔
Chinese (Traditional)	我的懺悔
Japanese	私の懺悔
Korean	나의 참회
Spanish	Mi confesión
French	Ma confession
Russian	Моя исповедь
Thai	การสารภาพผิดของฉัน
Vietnamese	Lời Thú Tội Của Tôi
German	Mein Geständnis
Indonesian	Pengakuan Dosaku
Portuguese	Minha Confissão

Change History